A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
Lao-tzu, The Way of Lao-tzu Chinese philosopher (604 BC – 531 BC)
Not very long ago, my daughter started going through puberty! I was in shock, I was not ready for this, after all they say that the timing of puberty is typically followed from the mother of the child and I did not actually hit puberty until I was almost 15. Late maybe, but that was that, so in my mind I had at least a few more years to prepare for this thing, this life changing thing that would propel my little girl into womanhood (okay, young womanhood but womanhood all the same).
When it actually happened it rocked my world, I was in shock, actually I felt like a Tsunami and a level 6 hurricane had hit my body at once and mercilessly. I was paralyzed with fear, I did not have time to think and plan and prepare my daughter, because I was not prepared. More importantly, I was not ready to lose my little girl! I like her little, she is so innocent, becoming a woman changes all of that, she will have to deal with issues that I would have tried to avoid for her, until she was at least 25 years or older, yes I know it is not possible, but who said I could not wish?
Anyway there it was, whether I was ready or not, a rude reminder that we are not in control of time and life, we are living daily to deal with the blows life deals us, we either allow the blows to flatten us or we take the blow, fall, roll and come back punching. We sometimes take some licks and other times get some good crosses in! So there I was reeling from life’s kick in the gut, and the subsequent head butt, I was completely void of direction and perspective.
I knew I had to get up, had to come up strong, ensure that I was in control of the situation, or at least fake it (mothers we know how we deal right?) I had to be calm and seemingly together, if not for me at least for my little girl! In the process something very interesting happened, my daughter and I had a role reversal. How many times do we see our children observe us, innately know we are barely coping and they silently become the parents and we the children? My daughter calmly walked me through what do to and seemed to be completely at ease with it all. Through her suggestion we invited another little girl and her mother to spend the day with us. A girl, who had already begun puberty, the idea being that the little girl and her mum, could then share with us and we could learn from them. It truly takes a village to raise a child!
Anyway later on reflection, I realized a few things:
- Firstly we are never properly prepared for anything,
- We may have a game plan for certain forthcoming situations, but when things finally happen, we realize that there is a lot that we had not taken into consideration or the situations played out differently from what we anticipated and we find ourselves compensating for those differences.
- It is okay to be frightened and unsure and even let our little ones see our fears, after all we are only human and them seeing the human in us, brings us closer because then they will not be afraid to be afraid, and they will know that fear is a normal feeling and it can be overcome.
- We should create networks in our lives of people we can reach out to and rely on for strength and support as needed and
- We should never be ashamed to ask for help, because if we do ask for help, then we allow others to show their weakness and enable them to ask us for help in their turn.
Today my little girl, or should I say my little woman had a great suggestion, what if we started a blog together, one to help mothers and daughters understand each other better like we do ( I am so flattered that my daughter thinks that we understand each other). A blog to make it easier for them to become friends, a way for us all to share our thoughts and feelings and a way for us to all to understand we are all different but that’s okay.
Our idea is that we share information about our experiences both good and bad in this journey of discovery and hope that other mothers and daughters can do the same. We are hoping, my daughter and I that all of you who join us in our journey, share and follow this blog with us will be inspired and will inspire and teach us in turn, the idea is that we grow together.
Please consider this yours, write in it comment in it and be a part of us, welcome to our “village”!
Mother-of-angel-tween, many years old!
Hi, I am a pre-tween (a child between the ages of 9 and 13) and my mum and I decided to do this blog. I hope to help other pre-tween girls and their mums to find a way in life to just agree with each other, the way my mum and I do most of the time. I hope that on this journey that my mum and I plus all of you who take the journey with us can enjoy each other and share and learn from each other.
Girls and their mothers will always squabble (meaning argue and disagree about things) even it is just the littlest of things, like clothes, music, make-up or even our choice of friends. Over the years I have been trying to figure out what makes mums and their daughters fight and how to make them stop.
I have always thought that mums and daughters are connected better than fathers and daughters but I realized that a single father might be connected to their daughters though not as much as mothers and daughters. That connection of mothers and daughters always surprises me because how is it that when I am thinking evil, my mum seems to know exactly what am thinking, but wont question at that time but later on, when am feeling guilty. They really do have eyes at the back of their heads.
My advice for pre-tweens is that our mothers have been pre-tweens before and might know what you are thinking as your thinking it. So don’t get shocked when they tell you “stop thinking horrid thoughts”!
Angel-tween, 10 years old!